When one of these parents gets busted for starving/beating/hurting their children and are charged with child abuse, do you say, "I'm here to give a voice to both perspectives"...?
(And any abuser saying, "Oh well I didn't do anything bad enough to be incarcerated", you very likely DID, but didn't get caught. Additionally, you are missing the point as you scramble, as usual, to make it about you and how you're not as bad as x. Hence your problems in life, and hence your offspring don't come near you.)
Thank you for your very important comment. You point out a very important aspect of estrangement that I have not spoken to yet. Children can be seriously harmed by parents. When they no longer have a relationship with that parent, they do so for their own self protection and well being.
Child abuse is a very serious problem and a child who has been abused, requires protection. One way they may protect themselves is not having contact with their parents when they are adults. It hasn’t been my thinking that I would be addressing that very important topic in this column. This is space is meant to be an advice column for family members who find themselves estranged and wondering how to move forward, possibly on their own or in relationship to their other family members. The situation you describe is very different and requires different actions on the part of the child.
I hope this helps you see that I take your input very seriously, and I do not mean any disrespect to anyone with such a difficult history.
Regardless of whether the abuse was severe or relatively mild, the correct course of action is the same. Perp's perspective is 100% irrelevant from start to finish.
In a nutshell, the idea is:
"Figure out who all was in the wrong and hold them accountable"
Wow. What a wonderful opportunity to have someone of your experience and sensitivity sharing with us about the subject of estrangement — subject much more common than we'd like to think, I imagine. I, too, have my own story of estangement. Very much looking forward to finding solace and support as part of your new Substack community.
Hi Kathy, thank you for creating this venue, for me, these questions of connection and dis- connection get at fundamental pieces of being a human in this human journey. I also have a story of estrangement in my past.
I look forward to reading more!
When one of these parents gets busted for starving/beating/hurting their children and are charged with child abuse, do you say, "I'm here to give a voice to both perspectives"...?
(And any abuser saying, "Oh well I didn't do anything bad enough to be incarcerated", you very likely DID, but didn't get caught. Additionally, you are missing the point as you scramble, as usual, to make it about you and how you're not as bad as x. Hence your problems in life, and hence your offspring don't come near you.)
Thank you for your very important comment. You point out a very important aspect of estrangement that I have not spoken to yet. Children can be seriously harmed by parents. When they no longer have a relationship with that parent, they do so for their own self protection and well being.
Child abuse is a very serious problem and a child who has been abused, requires protection. One way they may protect themselves is not having contact with their parents when they are adults. It hasn’t been my thinking that I would be addressing that very important topic in this column. This is space is meant to be an advice column for family members who find themselves estranged and wondering how to move forward, possibly on their own or in relationship to their other family members. The situation you describe is very different and requires different actions on the part of the child.
I hope this helps you see that I take your input very seriously, and I do not mean any disrespect to anyone with such a difficult history.
Kathy
Regardless of whether the abuse was severe or relatively mild, the correct course of action is the same. Perp's perspective is 100% irrelevant from start to finish.
In a nutshell, the idea is:
"Figure out who all was in the wrong and hold them accountable"
vs
"See both sides"
Wow. What a wonderful opportunity to have someone of your experience and sensitivity sharing with us about the subject of estrangement — subject much more common than we'd like to think, I imagine. I, too, have my own story of estangement. Very much looking forward to finding solace and support as part of your new Substack community.
Thank you, Kathy, I am looking forward to reading your articles.
I agree no both sides abuse is abuse
I wrote a comment yesterday. I don’t see it. I hope I did not write it in the wrong place. lol
Hi Kathy, thank you for creating this venue, for me, these questions of connection and dis- connection get at fundamental pieces of being a human in this human journey. I also have a story of estrangement in my past.
Looking forward to reading and dialoguing more!