Welcome: Introducing: "Dear Estranged"

Column #1

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Dear Estranged,

“All of us get broken in some way. What matters is how we get up and put the pieces back together again.” — David Kessler, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief

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Dear Reader,

Welcome to Dear Estranged, a column exploring the heartbreak, complexity, and growth that can come with estrangement.

This space is for anyone who has found themselves—or someone they love—on one side or another of a "cut-off." Estrangement is a decision often made as a last resort, when staying in a relationship no longer feels possible or safe. Still, deep pain often exists on both sides, leading many to seek support to cope with the confusion, grief, and uncertainty it brings.

As a therapist, I have spent many years working with families and individuals navigating the difficult terrain of estrangement, particularly between parents and adult children. This column will be a blend of advice and essays, drawing on both my clinical understanding and lived experience. Whether you are a parent, adult child, sibling, or close friend, my goal is to offer language for what you’re going through and tools for what comes next.

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A Fair and Nuanced Approach

Much of the writing on this topic tends to focus on one "side"—either the parent or the adult child. It is my goal to represent both perspectives. While I may not be able to address both in every post, I will approach each topic with fairness, humility, and care. I welcome your feedback if you ever sense bias or misrepresentation.

I have studied with Dr. Joshua Coleman and Becca Bland, whose work highlights the perspectives of parents and adult children, respectively. Estrangement is a growing and complex phenomenon that deserves more nuanced and compassionate attention.

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Topics I'll Explore

In this column, I'll explore questions like:

• What does grief look like in estrangement?

• How do different people—parents, children, siblings, and friends—experience this type of loss?

• Is repair possible? If so, what does it require?

• How should I respond when someone I love says, “You hurt me”?

• How do money, shame, secrecy, and shifting roles shape estrangement?

• How do we cope with the social isolation and identity disruption that often follow cut off?

• How do we make meaning from something that feels senseless?

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A Note to My Readers

Your questions and insights will shape this column. I am deeply grateful when readers share their stories and trust me with their painful experiences. I will respond with honesty, compassion, and respect for the vulnerability this topic asks of us all.

Thank you for joining me in this space.

Warmly,

Kathy Sinsheimer

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