Since my column for this week was already in process, I have begun to write on your suggested topic for my column that I will likely "publish: on May 2. Just wanted to give you an update.
Thank you Virginia, for your request and Karemm for seconding the request. I will start a column on this very topic.! If others want to add to this request, the topic is , as I understand it,
"What are practical strategies to navigate the early, volatile stages of estrangement?"
And, yes, if others would like to add strategies you have found, please chime in!
Hi Kathy. On the other side of your example as an estranged parent who has gone through all the emotions your letter writer described concerning our son, his wife & now mother of our two granddaughters.
In our case, would still like to know what activated the ‘flamethrower’ he’s directed at me & his father during the initiation of & the first years of separation of our 11+ years of his estrangement.
Truly appreciated your spot-on advice on not reactivating one’s amygdala by reliving the heat & past pain.
While still estranged for all intents & purposes, the guardrails have been established on both sides & have been respected - which took many years & included several periods of no contact from our son.
Wish we could have had the advice in your post to read at the start and/or during those first few years.
Would have saved us a lot of sorrow, guilt & mistakes in our approaches to understanding & processing what happening to us, our family & our futures.
Still wish things could have gone differently, but we now know that our first step should have been never allowing ourselves to stand in the path of our son’s ‘flame-throwing.’
Perhaps you or others can offer some specific advice for parents on how to avoid or minimize that damage & power struggle?
Since my column for this week was already in process, I have begun to write on your suggested topic for my column that I will likely "publish: on May 2. Just wanted to give you an update.
Kathy
Thank you Virginia, for your request and Karemm for seconding the request. I will start a column on this very topic.! If others want to add to this request, the topic is , as I understand it,
"What are practical strategies to navigate the early, volatile stages of estrangement?"
And, yes, if others would like to add strategies you have found, please chime in!
Kathy
Hi Kathy. On the other side of your example as an estranged parent who has gone through all the emotions your letter writer described concerning our son, his wife & now mother of our two granddaughters.
In our case, would still like to know what activated the ‘flamethrower’ he’s directed at me & his father during the initiation of & the first years of separation of our 11+ years of his estrangement.
Truly appreciated your spot-on advice on not reactivating one’s amygdala by reliving the heat & past pain.
While still estranged for all intents & purposes, the guardrails have been established on both sides & have been respected - which took many years & included several periods of no contact from our son.
Wish we could have had the advice in your post to read at the start and/or during those first few years.
Would have saved us a lot of sorrow, guilt & mistakes in our approaches to understanding & processing what happening to us, our family & our futures.
Still wish things could have gone differently, but we now know that our first step should have been never allowing ourselves to stand in the path of our son’s ‘flame-throwing.’
Perhaps you or others can offer some specific advice for parents on how to avoid or minimize that damage & power struggle?
I would be interested in this advice too. 3 years in with no end in sight.
I have the same question, so I appreciate hearing your measured answer, Kathy. Good advice.