I can stop thinking about our ED for short periods of time but not about our two granddaughters that we can’t see or have contact with. We helped raise them and everything reminds us of them. We are the only ones cut off. When will it stop hurting so bad?
My 47 year old son has been no contact for three years except for bi-annual texts to either say happy birthday or I hate you. For two years I responded in kindness and waited. Finally, I responded by saying I love you and would be open to a conversation whenever you are ready. His response was a confusing angry rambling that made clear that he wants nothing to do with us. That was mother's day 2025. We havent heard from him since, and I'm ok. We have an appointment with our lawyer to modify our will. It's time to move on. Three years is long enough to grieve. This is his thing.
" I responded by saying I love you and would be open to a conversation whenever you are ready."
Fail. Sweetheart, you need to be saying something like, "I hear you and I AGREE THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE X. I want to talk with you and make this right. Let me take you to dinner and we can have a conversation because I don't want a mistake I made to come between us."
"Angry rambling" ...so he DID tell you the problems he has with your inappropriate, strange, manipulative behavior. Listen to that, fix your character, apologize to your victim(s), and make it up to them in any way you can think of if they approve the idea.
You are trying very hard to smear your own son to a bunch of strangers on the internet. That alone shows your mind is sick, honey.
Unless you share the *actual dialogue* from start to finish (by quoting exactly what each other you said from the beginning to the end of any verbal transaction you've mentioned here), then you are being vague and general on purpose hoping everyone will just see him as the problem.
He is not the problem. You are the problem.
The article above is a massive soft-ball intended to ensnare your ego. It has worked. Try to improve yourself. Or die alone. Up to you.
"Love the one you're with" 🤯🤯🤯!! Oh my gosh!! You have used this song lyric to suggest that it "soothe" a mother walking in the grief of ambiguous loss due to estrangement or no contact from their adult "children"??!! I am old enough to have been singing that song over fifty years ago too-- there is no way the artist would agree with your interpretation. As if an estranged parent could "love whomever they are with right now"- friend, husband, partner, dog, cat, rabbit, other pet??? -- and that should be sufficient to fill the gaping hole of their shattered heart. Let's turn grief stricken estranged mother's into sluts- "one night stands will suffice- love the ones we're with🎶🎵". That WAS fun in my past life 40-50 years ago- PRE kids- Before I was a mother!! Before my heart knew love unconditionally. Wow🤯. The place their "children" once lived before casting their mother out of their lives, seemingly without a thought as if they had an expiry date! And it's up to us parents to find all the tools to pick up the pieces of our crumbled lives, knowing there will never be any accountability coming our way for any of the suffering or daily grief we are living through- because we HAVE to- or--?? These "adults" ignore every gentle attempt made with curiosity to repair relationships. That is the silent treatment on steroids. Manipulation to another level. It is my lived experience,and my opinion ,after living in estrangement for almost four years as an estranged parent, and being an estranged "adult child", not by choice for eight years- that society better start demanding better, not accepting what is taking place currently.
I hear what you're saying and I too remember that song – was a huge Stephen Stills fan and still am. I think what she means is for us to focus on those people and perhaps pets that are in our lives presently and who choose to love us as we are and we choose to love them as they are. I have been living with a distant adult child for over 10 years and am still grieving at times. But I do believe now that so many of us live in the past in rumination and are fearful of the future to the extent that we are not engaged in our present lives with those around us who actually DO want us in their lives, who appreciate us, who love us. And vice versa.
Thank you for your insight. I do of course understand where you, and the author, are coming from, in saying, make choices to live in this moment, with the people or pets😉😊, who are here with us and enjoying our wonderfulness now, instead of ruminating or sitting in a form of grief about those who make choices every day to not be with us. I am so sorry for your ambiguous loss, and of course the authors. My side point, was many parents do not have any support system to help them; -a voice who speaks human to bounce thoughts off of at odd hours; arms that that give you a much needed hug; someone to witness your grief and pain-- that you don't have to pay and isn't called "therapy". Some parents walk a very long, perhaps longer, and maybe lonlier Estrangement road, I know mine is- but I would never suggest in anyone's journey any less easier. Bless.
Thank you for this insightful post. This is extremely helpful for those of us in the midst of this oceanic grief seeking calmer waters. I daily have thoughts of those I love who have estranged – it is very painful but I believe in my heart that each one of us is trying in the very best way we know how with good intention and not malice or ill intent. I look forward to your future articles as your words bring me much comfort but also the steps I need to take on the path to forgiveness, letting go, and peace.
These suggestions are helpful for when I can't stop thinking about my estrangement. It has a way of popping up and often monopolizing the conversations I have with myself in my head. I appreciate this kind of practical advice.
I can stop thinking about our ED for short periods of time but not about our two granddaughters that we can’t see or have contact with. We helped raise them and everything reminds us of them. We are the only ones cut off. When will it stop hurting so bad?
You could fix it but you refuse. You do it to yourself.
So am I supposed to walk away and grieve our grandchildren who mean everything to us? Tell me how?
😢😢😢🙏❤️
😢😢😢
My 47 year old son has been no contact for three years except for bi-annual texts to either say happy birthday or I hate you. For two years I responded in kindness and waited. Finally, I responded by saying I love you and would be open to a conversation whenever you are ready. His response was a confusing angry rambling that made clear that he wants nothing to do with us. That was mother's day 2025. We havent heard from him since, and I'm ok. We have an appointment with our lawyer to modify our will. It's time to move on. Three years is long enough to grieve. This is his thing.
" I responded by saying I love you and would be open to a conversation whenever you are ready."
Fail. Sweetheart, you need to be saying something like, "I hear you and I AGREE THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE X. I want to talk with you and make this right. Let me take you to dinner and we can have a conversation because I don't want a mistake I made to come between us."
"Angry rambling" ...so he DID tell you the problems he has with your inappropriate, strange, manipulative behavior. Listen to that, fix your character, apologize to your victim(s), and make it up to them in any way you can think of if they approve the idea.
You are trying very hard to smear your own son to a bunch of strangers on the internet. That alone shows your mind is sick, honey.
Unless you share the *actual dialogue* from start to finish (by quoting exactly what each other you said from the beginning to the end of any verbal transaction you've mentioned here), then you are being vague and general on purpose hoping everyone will just see him as the problem.
He is not the problem. You are the problem.
The article above is a massive soft-ball intended to ensnare your ego. It has worked. Try to improve yourself. Or die alone. Up to you.
🤯🤯🤯🤯
"Love the one you're with" 🤯🤯🤯!! Oh my gosh!! You have used this song lyric to suggest that it "soothe" a mother walking in the grief of ambiguous loss due to estrangement or no contact from their adult "children"??!! I am old enough to have been singing that song over fifty years ago too-- there is no way the artist would agree with your interpretation. As if an estranged parent could "love whomever they are with right now"- friend, husband, partner, dog, cat, rabbit, other pet??? -- and that should be sufficient to fill the gaping hole of their shattered heart. Let's turn grief stricken estranged mother's into sluts- "one night stands will suffice- love the ones we're with🎶🎵". That WAS fun in my past life 40-50 years ago- PRE kids- Before I was a mother!! Before my heart knew love unconditionally. Wow🤯. The place their "children" once lived before casting their mother out of their lives, seemingly without a thought as if they had an expiry date! And it's up to us parents to find all the tools to pick up the pieces of our crumbled lives, knowing there will never be any accountability coming our way for any of the suffering or daily grief we are living through- because we HAVE to- or--?? These "adults" ignore every gentle attempt made with curiosity to repair relationships. That is the silent treatment on steroids. Manipulation to another level. It is my lived experience,and my opinion ,after living in estrangement for almost four years as an estranged parent, and being an estranged "adult child", not by choice for eight years- that society better start demanding better, not accepting what is taking place currently.
I hear what you're saying and I too remember that song – was a huge Stephen Stills fan and still am. I think what she means is for us to focus on those people and perhaps pets that are in our lives presently and who choose to love us as we are and we choose to love them as they are. I have been living with a distant adult child for over 10 years and am still grieving at times. But I do believe now that so many of us live in the past in rumination and are fearful of the future to the extent that we are not engaged in our present lives with those around us who actually DO want us in their lives, who appreciate us, who love us. And vice versa.
Thank you for your insight. I do of course understand where you, and the author, are coming from, in saying, make choices to live in this moment, with the people or pets😉😊, who are here with us and enjoying our wonderfulness now, instead of ruminating or sitting in a form of grief about those who make choices every day to not be with us. I am so sorry for your ambiguous loss, and of course the authors. My side point, was many parents do not have any support system to help them; -a voice who speaks human to bounce thoughts off of at odd hours; arms that that give you a much needed hug; someone to witness your grief and pain-- that you don't have to pay and isn't called "therapy". Some parents walk a very long, perhaps longer, and maybe lonlier Estrangement road, I know mine is- but I would never suggest in anyone's journey any less easier. Bless.
Thank you for this insightful post. This is extremely helpful for those of us in the midst of this oceanic grief seeking calmer waters. I daily have thoughts of those I love who have estranged – it is very painful but I believe in my heart that each one of us is trying in the very best way we know how with good intention and not malice or ill intent. I look forward to your future articles as your words bring me much comfort but also the steps I need to take on the path to forgiveness, letting go, and peace.
These suggestions are helpful for when I can't stop thinking about my estrangement. It has a way of popping up and often monopolizing the conversations I have with myself in my head. I appreciate this kind of practical advice.