Thank you for your comment. The adult sibling groups I have worked with frequently arrive in my office after a parent or parents have passed. Inheritance issues are part of their challenge, as well as unresolved family issues that were somehow kept in check while the parent(s) were still alive.
Sometimes a living parent symbolizes a kind of family order simply by remaining alive. That parent's passing seems to take the lid off of family dynamics that were lying not far below the surface. Those dynamics then bubble up, and sometimes blow up, in the process of settling the parent's estate.
I will think about writing a column about this to flesh it out a little more.
A great article about a heart breaking experience, I was also a very hands on grandmother to my grandkids looking after them every 2nd weekend from when they were babies as my daughter was a single parent , so close bonds were formed.
Now she is in a relationship Ive became indispensable and she made it impossible to see them, so I reverted to seeing the kids through their father who was happy for them to have a relationship with their grandmother.
I’ve spent 2 years trying to understand why my daughter wanted to hurt me, knowing how much I loved my grandchildren. Many sleepless nights and tears later, I now realise I have to put my emotional health first and I am in a position that I have absolutely no control over.
The door is open but I now prioritise myself and my partner, I am fortunate to still have my own mother and another daughter and step grandchildren to concentrate on, I could never hurt my mother like my daughter has repeatedly hurt me.
After years of emotional abuse I now know it was nothing that Ive done and that I can’t change this situation.
There is peace in accepting what is happening now.
My advice to anyone going through this is to sit back and be patient and be kind to yourself, try not to take it personally ( takes a while) and prioritise yourself and those people who are there for you. 😍💙🩷🩷
Thank you for this informative article. I am dealing with pretty sudden estrangement from three very close siblings due to inheritance issues. It is gut wrenching but I am making my way through the grief process. It's as if I lost my family all at once, though they are still alive. Your articles bring much peace and hope to me as a reader trying to understand and come to peace over this.
Dear JBP,
Thank you for your comment. The adult sibling groups I have worked with frequently arrive in my office after a parent or parents have passed. Inheritance issues are part of their challenge, as well as unresolved family issues that were somehow kept in check while the parent(s) were still alive.
Sometimes a living parent symbolizes a kind of family order simply by remaining alive. That parent's passing seems to take the lid off of family dynamics that were lying not far below the surface. Those dynamics then bubble up, and sometimes blow up, in the process of settling the parent's estate.
I will think about writing a column about this to flesh it out a little more.
Best,
Kathy
A great article about a heart breaking experience, I was also a very hands on grandmother to my grandkids looking after them every 2nd weekend from when they were babies as my daughter was a single parent , so close bonds were formed.
Now she is in a relationship Ive became indispensable and she made it impossible to see them, so I reverted to seeing the kids through their father who was happy for them to have a relationship with their grandmother.
I’ve spent 2 years trying to understand why my daughter wanted to hurt me, knowing how much I loved my grandchildren. Many sleepless nights and tears later, I now realise I have to put my emotional health first and I am in a position that I have absolutely no control over.
The door is open but I now prioritise myself and my partner, I am fortunate to still have my own mother and another daughter and step grandchildren to concentrate on, I could never hurt my mother like my daughter has repeatedly hurt me.
After years of emotional abuse I now know it was nothing that Ive done and that I can’t change this situation.
There is peace in accepting what is happening now.
My advice to anyone going through this is to sit back and be patient and be kind to yourself, try not to take it personally ( takes a while) and prioritise yourself and those people who are there for you. 😍💙🩷🩷
Thank you for this informative article. I am dealing with pretty sudden estrangement from three very close siblings due to inheritance issues. It is gut wrenching but I am making my way through the grief process. It's as if I lost my family all at once, though they are still alive. Your articles bring much peace and hope to me as a reader trying to understand and come to peace over this.
Some great advice and perspective. Thank you