Dear Estranged,
I have learned that, in estrangement, people often become so overwhelmed with feeling that even simple movements can feel triggering. These exercises are offered with that in mind. They are meant to help with the intensity without amplifying the difficult feelings you are already having.
The Slow Down Pause
This practice is designed to help your nervous system gently shift out of high alert. Because everyone’s body responds differently, please remember that every instruction here is an invitation, not a rule. You are in complete control of how far you go, or whether you choose to participate at all.
1. Setting the Foundation
Find a comfortable place to sit: Let your feet rest flat on the floor, feeling the support beneath you, and let your spine rest comfortably against your seat.
Choose a gentle hand placement:
Option A (Neutral): Let your hands rest softly, palms down, on your thighs.
Option B (Self-Soothing): Cross your arms loosely, resting your hands gently on your opposite upper arms or shoulders—only if that feels comforting and safe.
Arrive in the room: Allow your eyes to close gently, or let your gaze rest softly downward on the floor a few feet in front of you.
2. Establishing a Steady Rhythm
Before moving your eyes, let’s invite a steady, easy rhythm to the breath.
Inhale gently through your nose as you count: 1, 2, 3, 4
Exhale smoothly through your nose or mouth as you count: 1, 2, 3, 4 (Note: If counting feels like too much effort right now, simply let your breath flow at its own natural, easy pace).
Repeat this steady cycle 3 times, letting your shoulders drop just a fraction more with each breath out.
3. The Gentle Gaze
Open your eyes softly and keep your head completely still.
Choose your direction: Let your gaze drift either upward (slightly higher than your normal line of sight, toward a wall or the lower part of the ceiling) OR to the side (to the left or right, whichever feels easier).
Keep it soft: Look toward that area, but let your focus be very soft and diffused. You don’t need to stare or strain. Think of it more like noticing the space rather than locking onto a target.
Breathe as you gaze: While keeping your eyes in that gentle position, take 4 or 5 slow, steady breaths (matching an equal count, or simply following your natural breath).
Note: If your eyes water, feel strained, or if your mind feels overwhelmed, please lower your eyes immediately. There is no need to push through discomfort.
4. Returning and Resting
Gently lower your eyes back down to a comfortable, neutral resting place.
Take 3 more slow, soothing breaths.
Notice without judgment: As you breathe, simply notice whatever happens in your body. You might feel a sudden urge to sigh, a deep swallow, a yawn, or a slight softening in your neck and chest. These are gentle signs that your nervous system is processing and settling.
When you feel ready, you can let your breathing return to its normal rhythm, gently moving your fingers or toes to bring yourself back to the present moment.
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Please let me know how this exercise was useful, or if it wasn’t! I want to learn from you what you find most helpful. Estrangement drains us in every way possible. Slowing down and easing the strain can help us get through the rougher patches.
Best,
Kathy
You can contact me through the Chat, the Comments, or email me: ksinsheimermft@gmail.com