Thanks for these thoughts on the hearth of Mother's Day. Clearly ambivalence is a factor in many or perhaps all relationships, as we navigate self and other, uniting and separating. Your thoughts on this are very helpful and they can serve to normalize having mixed feelings.
But having loved an incredible mother who made huge mistakes and who is still much admired by her children since her death years ago, I understand that ambivalence isn't the same as being lukewarm or uncertain, although it can also include those. But I think a generous way of looking at it is to imagine that there are ways to love someone's strengths while also tolerating or accepting their limits. This can allow both people solid and deep connection over time. And, if you love anyone who was born a century ago, it's hard to really understand who they are and how they love, without appreciating the context of the times into which they were born. Here's to all the mothers who may be reading this: be gentle with yourself if you can on this day, - it was a bold move to bring a life into the world, and someone made that bold move for each and every one of us.
“Silence may be a very difficult chapter—not the whole book.”
This is a place to pause for many mothers. Recognize that this chapter is not the end. It is an opportunity to author the next chapter the way you want- the pens is yours and the “paper” awaits 💐
I love this. Although, it becomes much more challenging for a generation of parents who are facing the elder years of their story. No one knows how long the book might be yet, and our adult children very likely don't see the limitations of time in the same way older parents do. All the more reason to spend whatever time "waiting" we need to do filling our waking hours with other people and other pursuits that matter to us.
I really appreciated this- thank you. My daughter has moved away and is slowly, cautiously, approaching again. This is a wonderful reminder to give her all the distance and time she needs and to hope she keeps approaching.
Good for you, Sonya! So happy that you know to graciously regard and savor the slow return she is navigating. I think for many parents, if the current generation of distancing adult children had done MERELY THAT (just distance and experiment with separation), that would have been so much more understandable and acceptable than if they had to trash every aspect of our parenting in order to leave. The first of course may be unexpected and painful, but it is that second wave that brings the deep sting, perhaps along with shame. But in taking back our right to reconfigure our sense of integrity and worth as not solely dependent on the opinions of our angry adult children, we may be able to give them some of the room they need to grow. And if we can hold off pleading for a little more contact, we normalize some of the faith it takes to trust that our children may return in time. Maybe they need this break to further hone and refine a solid and resilient adult self.
Thanks for these thoughts on the hearth of Mother's Day. Clearly ambivalence is a factor in many or perhaps all relationships, as we navigate self and other, uniting and separating. Your thoughts on this are very helpful and they can serve to normalize having mixed feelings.
But having loved an incredible mother who made huge mistakes and who is still much admired by her children since her death years ago, I understand that ambivalence isn't the same as being lukewarm or uncertain, although it can also include those. But I think a generous way of looking at it is to imagine that there are ways to love someone's strengths while also tolerating or accepting their limits. This can allow both people solid and deep connection over time. And, if you love anyone who was born a century ago, it's hard to really understand who they are and how they love, without appreciating the context of the times into which they were born. Here's to all the mothers who may be reading this: be gentle with yourself if you can on this day, - it was a bold move to bring a life into the world, and someone made that bold move for each and every one of us.
“Silence may be a very difficult chapter—not the whole book.”
This is a place to pause for many mothers. Recognize that this chapter is not the end. It is an opportunity to author the next chapter the way you want- the pens is yours and the “paper” awaits 💐
I love this. Although, it becomes much more challenging for a generation of parents who are facing the elder years of their story. No one knows how long the book might be yet, and our adult children very likely don't see the limitations of time in the same way older parents do. All the more reason to spend whatever time "waiting" we need to do filling our waking hours with other people and other pursuits that matter to us.
I’m right there with you Carol 🫶🏻
I really appreciated this- thank you. My daughter has moved away and is slowly, cautiously, approaching again. This is a wonderful reminder to give her all the distance and time she needs and to hope she keeps approaching.
Good for you, Sonya! So happy that you know to graciously regard and savor the slow return she is navigating. I think for many parents, if the current generation of distancing adult children had done MERELY THAT (just distance and experiment with separation), that would have been so much more understandable and acceptable than if they had to trash every aspect of our parenting in order to leave. The first of course may be unexpected and painful, but it is that second wave that brings the deep sting, perhaps along with shame. But in taking back our right to reconfigure our sense of integrity and worth as not solely dependent on the opinions of our angry adult children, we may be able to give them some of the room they need to grow. And if we can hold off pleading for a little more contact, we normalize some of the faith it takes to trust that our children may return in time. Maybe they need this break to further hone and refine a solid and resilient adult self.